General Forum
Start a New Topic 
Help to support my husband and manage night incontinence

Over the past 6 months my husband has become completely incontinent at night and partially during the day.

We know it is related to an accident earlier in his life and we also understand it can't be fixed.

Where I am struggling is keeping him dry at night. I can't and won't leave him wet or dirty and want to help him retain as much dignity as possible.
I have tried almost every brand of adult brief/nappy available, doubled them with a booster pad, layered all that with tena men pull ups over the top and still he leaks as soon as he passes urine.
Even 'Kylie' bed pads can't contain the overflow.

It breaks my heart to see him so distressed and I do all I can to reassure him that having to get up and change him and/or clean him does not change how I feel about him.

I just think if we could find something that works to contain it all, would help him by at least waking in a dry bed.
I don't care how many times I have to change pads in the night. I just need to find something that can hold at least 1 bladderful!

Any suggestions would be very gratefully received.

Re: Help to support my husband and manage night incontinence

Thanks for asking. I was the husband in a similar situation and like you my wife was a loving and supportive partner who made all the difference.

It always takes time to find the most effective way of managing and sometimes you have to compromise. Wfound (and what worked for us might not work for you) that changing every time the diaper was wet simply wasn't necessary. Getting a good nights sleep is really important and the protection I wear lets me have uninterrupted slumber.

The only answer is to experiment and I found it was more effectivive to use a slightly larger diaper sat night than I do in the day, not a higher capacity one,but une that is less snug.

Things like a waterproof duvet cover and possibly plastic pants can help but pads and "protective underwear" are not very much help.

There is always a good answer,but it does take time to experiment and it is worth using the free sample packs manufacturers will send you.

Being comfortable is important and might depend on being not too fussy. This is not about lowering your personal standards, but making the best decisions in order to be comfortable.

The other thing is to use any help available from continence advisors or advisors.

Not much of this will be helpful,but I hope you find a way to live with the demands of incontinence and that you reach the point where you suddenly realise that it isn't quite so bad after

Re: Help to support my husband and manage night incontinence

Thanks for your response.
We find a change after each episode is a neccesity as nothing contains it fully.

Our most successful approach so far is the abena briefs with a booster pad, topped with the pull up style pads.
Then a Kylie bed pads for the inevitable overflow...we've learnt to laugh at little and have come to the conclusion he has the fluid storage capacity normally normally found in a camel.
Flooding is definitely the problem here.

We live in a rural mountain area so there is very poor provision for support services.
We're getting there though.

He laughs that finally I stay in my own side of the bed more often rather than steal his now!

Re: Help to support my husband and manage night incontinence

Hi, I can identify with the camel part, my bladder is 10 to 11 size normal? I have been measured with 700 cc of urine. For night diapers I use a wings large ang cut a .line. In the middle I add 3 size 6 overnight diapers with an insert in each and put a slit down the middle of each, this is very important otherwise the urine will leak out the side of your diaper, at least that's my experience. Then just to be on the safe side I add another wings brief, because I often sleep on my side and disposal diapers don't offer as much protection there. Personally I prefer cloth diapers for that reason,, but my wife doesn't like the smell of a diaper pail even when white vinegar is add, she has a very sensitive sence of smell. Many men are heavy wetters and use cloth diapers with plastic pants, they are far more economical. I am a vet so I get most of my supplies free, otherwise I would use cloth at night it is better on the environment also, but I. Need to consider my wife first!

Re: Help to support my husband and manage night incontinence

Have You looked into catheters? Does He sleep on his side? I am disabled and incontinent. We use the Tranquility ATN over night briefs as well as a overnight booster. I do sleep on a disposable pad as well. But very seldom have leaks. I sleep on My back mostly. I am unable to turn Myself So My husband wakes to check on Me in the night. I normally make it through the night without needing to be changed. Unless I have a bowel movement.

Re: Help to support my husband and manage night incontinence

I'am the husband started wetting about 15yrs ago tried everything now use ATTN diapers with pants and a mattress cover this isn't prefect but helps.

Re: Help to support my husband and manage night incontinence

We've actually got it covered now- sadly my husband had a stroke shortly before Christmas and one of the effects was the incontinence being all the time now so we had to really get a grip on this.

We've trialled almost everything out there and now settled on a mix of products for day/night.

Tena flex maxi are the best overnight for us if we're changing in the nights.

Abriform premium for through the night with no waking.

This is backed up with the washable bed pads for any overflow

Tenants and mollicare pull ups allow some normality and dignity in the day.

Nothing is foolproof but this seems our winning combination.

Re: Help to support my husband and manage night incontinence

Oh My. I'm so sorry to hear of Your husbands stroke. Bless You for being understanding and caring for Him. I hope You have help. I had a pregnancy related stroke over 20 years ago. As well as progressive MS. I have been almost completely helpless since. My husband cares for Me as well as homecare nurses etc. So I fell for You. It can be really tough. Incontinence is only one of many issues to deal with.